un otra sueno debilitamieno

shaken awake just
un otra sueno debilitamieno
rolling and stumbling
but NOT
hallucinating this time
…
i remember pride
i remember my
daughter beautiful
Ella as a cat
and another that
was real and ringed
about the neck
drinking from a
puddle on the black
non busy street

a band was playing
but in two venues
i heard them out
side the first but
watched while
inside the second
place.
there was no crowd
nobody save us
and my dead uncle and
his motorcycle
and he said i could ride

i can’t but i’d
load her onto the
front and gun it
from one side
of the room
to the next/squeeze
the brake

remember people on
a busier street calling
to get the hell out
of the way, but
not for me as
my ire was up and
my voice ready to
strike; turning
Ella had climbed
inside a small and
broken monitor as
the band completed-
the names familiar but
the faces changed.
they gave me parting
gifts of herbs/two types
in tiny metal boxes

my girl picked me up
no flailing no rolling just
the story of the madness
and a car much younger
than ours now –
i showed her the herbs
and she was happy
as we drove away
and another dream scene
i repeated of
her aunt obsessed
over Gatorade we
had not been drinking
though she was sure
we had/looking through
the recycle pile and fridge
of her mother’s house i
proved the drinks not drunk
and found the half full
bottles
i don’t remember much
much else save that aunt
wanting to combine
the two to make as one

my wife kissed me and
took me home as
i awoke shaking, tooth
not hurting bad like
nights before so
meds and bedroom
as i shut the door.

she laughed at me
got up to make coffee
and i think i’ll have one too
for the first this day
in weeks
since…

one
more
dream of
debilitation

sorry, she said
as I passed with the
coffee she made for
no
i said;
a mi.