on my last conversation with stan

the last time i talked
to my friend stan was
the first time in probably fifteen years

we talked about love of the self

most people will tell you
that
you can never truly love someone else
unless you learn to love your self

we talked about that
we finished with no
you do not have to love your
self
or forgive your
self
to be a vital part of another life
or lives
you just need to
be
or if you would rather hear it
for purposes of clarity
be your self

the rest is all meaningless detail
gossip
exaltation or
shame

i thought of that as i was thinking
of this
we are all just chapters in
the stories of each others
lives
and
in this way
we are all none greater
than that which we are to
or have been to
some one else
just pieces in each others
puzzles
time will not remember
our
intention
when we are gone
this is all that we will have left
behind
our stain
what we were to others
not our thoughts
meanings
like and dislikes or
intentions
or favoritism s
no
all that will remain
will be held in the
memory of those with
whom we have shared

experiences
laughs
failures
dreams
debts
awkwardness
and
love
all that we truly leave behind
will be held in the
memories
of others
memories of what we were to
them

so stan i think on
and no
it does not matter
maybe we are not
supposed to
love or forgive ourselves
when we know

when we know what we could of
and what we did do

against the weight of what we could not
or did not

or would
and if the love of self comes
first
where does that leave the rest
mannish seems to mean
favoring those characteristics of a man
selfish then

and meaningless would imply no evidence of meaning
so selfless

most of the greats
the prophets
the teachers
the stewards
the caring
the ones on the ground
that clean up the messes
made by the selfish
i am pretty sure
would be properly
referred to as
self less

and they probably
would not be around
to accept that award
or
to hear the cheers of the crowds
over the moans of our dying