j.s.

i
have met many
women or men
who have offered
anything
in exchange for money
for happiness
for need

but i have in
my life met
only one
whore

and this person
posessed neither
want nor need

that
only
one

how truly
fortunate
my life
is been.

one faint scream or hush in vain

i rub my eyes
release some sand
replace the glass

the colors whoosh
without my hands
to help me now

fingers fumble
words write wrong and
someone

back and forth like
rollercoaster
wooden, splintered on the
side where love is
jammed

jagged in the
corners
cold when the
night
falls

i write want
so fevered and hard
try not forget

one wrinkled eye
line one faint scream
or hush in vain

twenty five years
the hand has scribbled
since half awake
beneath that pillowed head
fourteen
and writing the text
before me in my dream’s sky
cartoon scroll I followed

wish now to not
a frame leave out
misplace a drop

not one sample
not one dragon
not one fenced cop

tired is my highway (02/01/00)

i was sleeping outside myself again
and I saw my favorite sweater
and I grabbed my favorite jeans
and I could see it all
full color
from the viewer in my dreams

i’m tired I told me, and go home I said
-for me it’s always been more than
easy to fit whatever seams,
mend what is torn after blood is cleaned

i slept into the blue again
i slept into the sand
i cut myself on old, smooth green
and cobalt rolled sea glass
i left the vacation. stop.
i twisted one more knot in my rope
and they cut off the other last one
and they paid me after I already left
and they claimed it was on Tuesday
and I asked…stopped myself and
i said to me that how is it
you let him do it- why won’t you
just let it be…why don’t you
just drive away hard –set up a
hot dog stand, sell single malt scotch
at eleven a.m. to all your builder friends?
and laughing back, hell yeah I said and
turned to me again…you don’t see
the me I see – you don’t know the one who is me
i’m true the one who throws away
and I’m the one who smokes all day and
i hold on for your pussy ass when
you think it’s good to hold on-
and I’m the one who holds me up
when you push my tired legs around
and make responsible promises to those you love
whenever you’re turned on, or your eyes get turned around

i’m the one- the one that you asked for
when the way became too hard
and this bitch of a world took off her face
and bit into your back –
took away your student i.d. card
i’m the one; laughing again and saying
i’m the one in me that’s me
and you’re the me in me for them
and you go to work when I tell you
not to, and then I get it done
you’re the one with the bank account
that i always fuck up
and I’m the one who won’t let you run

and hell yeah, hotdogs and single malt scotch
but first things first my son
and it’s pay off the ones that you promised
the moon –and blast off for the sun
we’ll drink more of milky life
when the seasons all are one
i am you for me, it’s true but
tired is my highway
blood on pavement has made
me cautious…but
only for a little while.

I woke up from sleeping outside
and I saw me in a smile,
a cat’s eye…
a fence.