perception for use

if i learned anything

at all even late it's

don't show your

hand

sometimes that's

all that holds

the other side

it's the mystery in

that wonder of

if this

is all you 

really are

all they really

have to take

jagged time

as the time

passes

not like grains

of sand

smooth effortless

continuous flow

but more like

rice

jumping

erratic

and loose

moments scattered

against the

pane

of this

some landing

right

in place

not far from

the mess

others fly with

a tick

then silent

run off to

hide under the coffee spirit squeezer machine

know has beaten hope

there are larger

concepts in life

than personal

happiness

more

imperative

essential

as

breath

i 

never

used

to think 

this

television is

based on

principals

against 

this

society

medicine

mind fucks

all

against this

and i may have

lived my life to

work against this

until now

until the 

sunrise

until the glistening reed

got slick under

hands

between my

fastened eye and the

sun

until spring's swelled stream

overwhelmed a clutching

belly's urges
forced participant

to forget that sun

and let go

dare to drift

down stream
passenger prophet

escape the 

billboards

of

selfish freedom

know 

has beaten 

hope 

larger goals

beg our reasons for being

than personal 

happiness as

i go floating

down this river

like tadpole jesus

thinking

happiness

is harder than

hard work

and easy and

contentment,

merely that

and

that all i really wanted

to direct focus on

was the difference

between the two

Norlina

there is fever

that never leaves 

a mind

waking from

it rushes to

begins as the

dream of a

moment 

a paradise

of the last glimpse

of that tear

the taste/smell

of that...and

of a last word

about never

a jesus tee

a brown corduroy

belt loop

a shared pale

ale over free

community

television

squeezing

holding fast to

the vanishing

long washed 

image

from blurs it

re-forms as

the dresser

the clock on the wall

the sense they both

make

the day will roll

but the smell

the wet

the shaking hearts

remind like needles

now and then

becomes only unquenchable

thirsts

for sugars

in liquids and

alternative

and waking and

hugging your nothing

tadpole prophet

words

invoke vision

convey connect passion

through experience

whether

fear or feat

enough of the 

right words chosen

and strung together

carefully

might incite

(real)

regime change

words uttered 

necessarily

unthinkingly during

times of duress

of hostility

might foster hope

yet

nations will

but exist

in that in

between as

actions exist

as words

definition 2 for possess

i shaved my

beard

and a strange

sense

the calm to me

returned

like in the old

days

when shear              ing

locks

to

make/beg

the voices stop

move from once moment

hurtling through space

black starred blank

blink less

dialed in as

willing participant

receiving transmittal

conveyance divinity and then 

wire cut 

shorn of antennae

to the gods

and once again

stupid and happy

hapless astronaut

/now/ reluctantly /still/

but breathing easy

cell phones 

thrown

to earth's ocean

for now

most people never notice butterflies

there is no angel here
a butterfly thought
amid the stirring
and the feed
miles away
as joel and i were

moving for his mother's
volvo
to make the drive to
kitty hawk
from bispo

-there is no tomorrow
it said
i go to sleep and
wake up and its
still today
you're depressed
said another
metamorphosed
caterpillar
as we tapped our pyrex bats
to shake ashes out of windows
smoking downward and toward
short cut road

depression is the sense
that i was doing something
wrong when i was
having fun it
said
yeah
said the next so
what if you could have it all
any difference would you make
any better choices or
any risking worth
-it cut him off
i would ask for more daylight
so i could look across the ocean
to the other side
and there i would see my love
and swim across to visit
and then collision

break in the action

fade to fast moving humans 

stupid

butterflies dying to
butterfly dyes the grill to
reach me
as they smash and butterfly
dust splashes with pollen and
butterfly breath .last breath
escapes
and like exploding things in
star wars space we fly through
like x wing fighter
butterfly husk
still wings
still flap as
i blow that breath through a closed
window
while i'd just been
imagining
how to recall this moment
for a screenplay
how to set the camera to
focus on the finite
what music would play along
and how to illustrate the
true color of day
whilst matte abuts mundane
.
-swim ? it said
then white.
noise

call it whatever you want

i've been seeing it in the Sea oats
and the south bound Sanderlings...
and just the other morning with the arrival of 

two Pied-billed Grebes
on the northern Currituck Sound

and today
i drive up 12, round the corner past the
cheap drink and sunset pushers,
out of the slow-life shopping district
and there it stands like a shiny new wagon on Christmas morning

 45 

MPH

.....i exhale the camel light
and the dust from a dying butterfly 

just smashed against the grill....
i think about the connection, briefly..
then let 'er rip!!!

even the speed limit signs tell the tale:
summer is on life support.
he's bloated, dehydrated,
cramping and spilling himself all over;
even through Tim-Buck II past the coffee shop
those signs stand emboldened and unwavering before the curves
which cause the tourists to smash their brakes,
they seem to scream now;
'GO HOME, BACK TO WORK,
BACK TO WORK AND TO WINTER'S SLUMBER, WE ARE DONE"
it's done.
there's a crisp northeast breeze blowing,
and as i cruise along at 49 in the ford
this summer is turning from aquamarine and
copper tone, to golden,
blue and wispy whites.

as the daddy's girls turn over coed in dormitory beds
and the lithe and vivacious joggers morph 
to just older people walking;
as the dying leaves put on the color and light show in the Appalachians
and the euro-trash kids still stain the Caribbean;
as the keg beer begins to flow and couches begin to burn
up and down the collegiate streets of our Nation,
the local movie theater marquee reads:

CLOSED FOR THE SEASON.

and as this slipping piece of nowhere
starts to root toward hibernation
i will sit by the phone in the office today
and try to explain to the thinning masses
how to drive from Waves
to Corolla.

the life of push and pull

lately i have sweat
so much that when
the cool water runs

down in the shower
and i push away
soap bubbles
i can feel
the sinew
every
muscle
every tightly stretched
pain
and i
do not look like
atlas
as a result
nor have i ever
or could i ever

having been born with
inferior genes

only a certain
small percentage
of the human kind

(not this kind)
is actually born
physical hero
yet i have
adopted
the life of
push and pull
bear and drag

mattresses
firewood
pumpkins
and christmas
trees
and i remember being
self medicated
usually
as a result

most
of those times
now its kayaks
spare tires
and the weight
of the glimpse of that
other side

see
i was born
to the average build
of a
night schooled
engineer father
skinny irish and
english stock
my mother
scots black irish
and hers from jamestown
1636
small as well
but efficient
and smart
bred and raised
to survive in a
tumultuous and
cash poor time

we have had it easy

i should have been
a politician
a biologist or
a lawyer
instead of this toiling

pushing this
slightly more curved than normal
less healthy than normal
spine
behind a fools plow

but i do
and
i
gain these
perspectives
to one day
sell to you
for pennies on
the dollar
until time
recognizes
the wisdom
of the fool